Breaking Loneliness: Lessons on Joy and Connection from Two Spiritual Leaders

Some time ago, I picked up a book called The Book of Joy, which is a conversation between the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. These two spiritual leaders spent a few days together, sharing their insights on how to find joy as humans and how to deal with suffering. What’s really interesting is that they come from different religions but still manage to use scientific studies along the way.

What caught my eye was a chapter on loneliness and the difference between being alone. They talk about how, with Facebook and other social media, the more virtual friends we have, the fewer real-life close friends we end up with. It’s something we all know and see happening, but somehow we’re still part of it. It’s bizarre that while we’re seeking connection online, we’re isolating ourselves more and more.

One part I liked was when the Dalai Lama pointed out that we’re born and we die completely dependent on others, and that this so-called independence we think we have is just an illusion. This false sense of independence is what leads to disconnection. And no matter how many people are around, loneliness is really about mentally isolating ourselves from the world.

On the flip side, being alone is just about physically being by yourself, but that doesn’t mean you feel lonely. So what’s the real difference? If we look at life from a more connected perspective—seeing people as people without focusing on differences—we create a sense of belonging, even when we’re alone. But if we focus only on what separates us, that’s when we feel isolated, even in a room full of people.

Thank you for reading this

Dimitrios